Asking For Help


Asking for help from people as a general rule is difficult. It feels like you are a failure if you ask for help, because if you can’t do it on your own, you’re somehow less of a person. Some of this is conditioning from childhood – you’re expected and instructed to do things for yourself. You’re told to “be independent” and “stand on your own two feet”.

There are times when we may want help, but generally we want help the way that we see that help and the way we want it. When we were children and were afraid and in danger, we wanted someone to scoop us up in their arms, cradle us and make us feel safe/better and make all the bad things go away. Those desires for help in that way stay with us into adulthood.

In the past I may have said I needed help for my alcoholism and drug addiction and maybe even asked for help, probably just to say what people wanted to hear so I could just get out of the spotlight I was in at that time.  Or if wanted help, I was hoping someone would just scoop me up in their arms and make all my problems disappear.  I don’t think prior to that moment in detox, I had ever REALLY asked for help and REALLY wanted it, especially if it meant permanently closing off the door to using alcohol/drugs again. But I just didn’t want to feel alone or be alone anymore, at that point. In short, I was scared like I had never been scared before. Ego was gone and all that was left was a need and intense desire for help. Most importantly, I was willing to ask for help and not just in the way I saw the help coming in my own mind. I wasn’t just looking for help on my terms and in my way. I was looking for help and willing to accept it in whatever way it came. I was willing to give up ego in favor of not being alone anymore.

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